I'm going back to Irvine tonight at 10 pm. Why so late? Waiting for the best friend of course!
The break was intensely needed. I found my roots in the rainy nights San Diego provided- playing in 3-tiered playgrounds, sitting on secret benches, watching the flooding clouds pass the moon... all the while getting together with the lovely best friends and eating copious amounts of food with the fambam. And hey, I even squeezed some schoolwork in there (I won! Kinda. Didn't get as much as I would like done, but eh, what can you do?)
Other highlights: I finished holiday shopping... yes, I got myself a few things: knotted headband, Egyptian necklace, Egyptian-ish amazing pin of life, a ring... and the vendor fair is this week as well.
BUT... I have an interview with Coffee Bean tomorrow at 11:30 am! Please keep me in your thoughts... I need this job. I'm getting good vibes about it all over the place (plus, if you know me, you know I should be working here. I practically know the drinks by heart). Potential problem- I won't be spending as much time back home for break... But we'll see what we can work out if (when..eeeeee) I get hired.
To round this out, little obsessions/a belated "what I am thankful for" list of life.
* Ambling Alps- Yeasayer (the music video is so surreal. favorite part is drummer man)
* Fireworks- Animal Collective
* Funny Little Frog- Belle and Sebastian (listen to the version from God Help the Girl- absolutely incredible)
* Mixed CDs (thank you CD burner for coming back to life. Slash, to my lovely friend for burning me fantastic mixes)
* Always music- White Rabbits, Laura Marling, God Help the Girl, Regina Spektor, (ladygagashhhhhandlove), Spoon... mm mm mm
* Books... may I please have time to read? Two more weeks until Dave Eggers and many poets (Alan Shapiro, Michael Ryan, Colette Atkinson) are in my hands
* Fambam + friends... I love and adore you all (this will get a bit more detailed come December).
* Let's get done with school, yeah?
* Knots. Cuffs. Sequins on black. Corduroy. Lace. Hieroglyphics. Spelling that correctly.
* Poetry ideas floating around- cicada rhythm, wind damage, osmosis, acoustic popcorn... and that's not even half of it.
Exit, Voice, and Loyalty... not an obsession, but a book that desires me to read it. Goooodbye!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Remember the weight of the world, it's a sound that we used to buy...
I'm in a writing funk for school, and there seems to be a chord pulling my heart and mind from my chest.
Below is a found poem (as in, placing phrases I discovered in various books) I wrote almost a year ago. It's hitting some sort of nerve-ending within myself.
---
Era of Faux-Romantics (A Found Poem)
“Living together” is a neutral term
For rogues drifting through society.
There is real danger
In “idle talk” and “vain-glory”…
This room, too, was empty
Implying vulgarity in thinking
All sorrows can be born
From the maddening ephemeral nature of love.
Consciousness, with its own content,
Will never perish from this earth.
---
Just a few more days until break <3
Below is a found poem (as in, placing phrases I discovered in various books) I wrote almost a year ago. It's hitting some sort of nerve-ending within myself.
---
Era of Faux-Romantics (A Found Poem)
“Living together” is a neutral term
For rogues drifting through society.
There is real danger
In “idle talk” and “vain-glory”…
This room, too, was empty
Implying vulgarity in thinking
All sorrows can be born
From the maddening ephemeral nature of love.
Consciousness, with its own content,
Will never perish from this earth.
---
Just a few more days until break <3
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
An addiction to hands and feet...
Publication #2 in the UCI New Forum Fall '09 issue :)
---
Creation
I am a proud form-
My body was planted with roots, bound earth
And yet my hands sprouted to hold onto you.
I have crafted blood to flow
Through the jungle of nerves,
Past the artifacts of beating thoughts
That surface, like spice on the tongue
Affecting your autumn-bitten face.
Your chapped lips split wide,
Revealing your teeth,
That gentle gateway
That allows for you to speak
Of tangled fingers and crossing veins.
You have been formed, and I am proud
To hold you against the sky.
---
obsession: dance anthem of the 80s- regina spektor.
listen and swell.
---
Creation
I am a proud form-
My body was planted with roots, bound earth
And yet my hands sprouted to hold onto you.
I have crafted blood to flow
Through the jungle of nerves,
Past the artifacts of beating thoughts
That surface, like spice on the tongue
Affecting your autumn-bitten face.
Your chapped lips split wide,
Revealing your teeth,
That gentle gateway
That allows for you to speak
Of tangled fingers and crossing veins.
You have been formed, and I am proud
To hold you against the sky.
---
obsession: dance anthem of the 80s- regina spektor.
listen and swell.
Monday, November 16, 2009
I could tell you, but telling gets old
As thoughts of the sublime swell within my mind (oh yes, pathos, you take that logos... But please only momentarily, because I do need to allow my logos to rule my wandering thoughts), I allowed my fingers to graze the mouse towards this page once again.
Tonight is the Leonid Meteor Shower, one that occurs every 30 or so years (33 maybe?). I honestly wanted to escape to the observatory and witness it without the light pollution in Irvine, but I feel that the best choice is to sleep, considering I have my reading tomorrow (eee!) and I plan on really working on my essay...
Ultimately, there is always that search for the perfect moment- when the earth and sky seem to crash into each other (no, not melt and mold into each other like a sunset- too cliche), and perhaps this night would have taken my imagination beyond its playful freedom into the elevated state of the sublime... There is a longing for crisp breath, molecular moisture hitting the skin, the gentle murmur of voices with the occasional crash against silence...
My first shooting star was unexpected. It was after my last band concert of the year, the last week of school. I waited for my ride home and found myself busily flustering between my belongings and the company I was with. I looked up in a moment of mere coincidence, and together we witnessed this phenomena. Another star would cross my way in the form of this past summer, but the elements remain the same: the sense of wonder, the build-up towards the sky, the cold wind clearing the mind.
I am reminded when I experience what I call "the haze"- when everything seems to blur besides one particular detail. You know you do not want to blink for sheer fear of losing this moment, but to truly realize the moment you must blink... and if the haze continues, you know there is something beyond it. The choice is whether to fall down the rabbit hole, stand within reality, or trip continuously between the two mindsets.
Perhaps you can guess where I have landed, but for now I am imagining the stars falling from the sky.
Tonight is the Leonid Meteor Shower, one that occurs every 30 or so years (33 maybe?). I honestly wanted to escape to the observatory and witness it without the light pollution in Irvine, but I feel that the best choice is to sleep, considering I have my reading tomorrow (eee!) and I plan on really working on my essay...
Ultimately, there is always that search for the perfect moment- when the earth and sky seem to crash into each other (no, not melt and mold into each other like a sunset- too cliche), and perhaps this night would have taken my imagination beyond its playful freedom into the elevated state of the sublime... There is a longing for crisp breath, molecular moisture hitting the skin, the gentle murmur of voices with the occasional crash against silence...
My first shooting star was unexpected. It was after my last band concert of the year, the last week of school. I waited for my ride home and found myself busily flustering between my belongings and the company I was with. I looked up in a moment of mere coincidence, and together we witnessed this phenomena. Another star would cross my way in the form of this past summer, but the elements remain the same: the sense of wonder, the build-up towards the sky, the cold wind clearing the mind.
I am reminded when I experience what I call "the haze"- when everything seems to blur besides one particular detail. You know you do not want to blink for sheer fear of losing this moment, but to truly realize the moment you must blink... and if the haze continues, you know there is something beyond it. The choice is whether to fall down the rabbit hole, stand within reality, or trip continuously between the two mindsets.
Perhaps you can guess where I have landed, but for now I am imagining the stars falling from the sky.
Some things work but me I choose to lose my skin in the dirt...
I just erased everything I typed.
Let's get to the (vague) facts, because this is going to be an intense week.
* 126 days (!)
* Holiday Hootenanny <3 (ooooh my goodness so excited)
* Publication #2 occurred :) I have a reading on Tuesday (always the butterflies and bumblebees- nerves and excitement), and I am truly so, so, so excited and amazed to have the opportunity to do this. Poem will be posted by the end of the week
* I don't want to discuss the copious amount of work I have due this week. What I will say is that I was quite productive today, so hopefully that will continue to spill into... later today.
* Agatha de la Prada, Gori de Palma, Ana Locking- guess I have my spanish presentation to thank for these three lovely names of new fashion musings.
Obsessions (as of late, because the winter time is upon us all)
* Corduroy pants (particularly trousers. Next purchase is a pair from H&M... hopefully).
* Paper-bag waists
* Bigbigbig scarves (but I'm of an average size- will I still get swallowed?)
* Gypsy Den. This could have its own sub-list. (This obsession is not new, but the introduction to cheap and delicious creme brulee and amazing tea is).
* Break being in... less than two weeks!
* Being able to read books during the break <3 (Goals: Finish Lolita and get through A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. Oh, and I guess some e100 but shh- that's not supposed to actually be discussed!)
* I'm figuring out how to spoil the loved ones for the holidays... mmm, inklings :)
* My CD burner magically deciding to work again! Road trip playlists are coming back <3
* This weekend- Venice Beach on an impromptu whim. Graffiti walls, sand, shopping, returning for some delicious (and familar) Korean BBQ (ooohmygoodness). I love you girls<3
* Finally going to experiment with the Diana+... yikes!
It is about two hours past the original time I was going to post this xD Oh well!
(Note: posted at 4 am something or other)
Let's get to the (vague) facts, because this is going to be an intense week.
* 126 days (!)
* Holiday Hootenanny <3 (ooooh my goodness so excited)
* Publication #2 occurred :) I have a reading on Tuesday (always the butterflies and bumblebees- nerves and excitement), and I am truly so, so, so excited and amazed to have the opportunity to do this. Poem will be posted by the end of the week
* I don't want to discuss the copious amount of work I have due this week. What I will say is that I was quite productive today, so hopefully that will continue to spill into... later today.
* Agatha de la Prada, Gori de Palma, Ana Locking- guess I have my spanish presentation to thank for these three lovely names of new fashion musings.
Obsessions (as of late, because the winter time is upon us all)
* Corduroy pants (particularly trousers. Next purchase is a pair from H&M... hopefully).
* Paper-bag waists
* Bigbigbig scarves (but I'm of an average size- will I still get swallowed?)
* Gypsy Den. This could have its own sub-list. (This obsession is not new, but the introduction to cheap and delicious creme brulee and amazing tea is).
* Break being in... less than two weeks!
* Being able to read books during the break <3 (Goals: Finish Lolita and get through A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. Oh, and I guess some e100 but shh- that's not supposed to actually be discussed!)
* I'm figuring out how to spoil the loved ones for the holidays... mmm, inklings :)
* My CD burner magically deciding to work again! Road trip playlists are coming back <3
* This weekend- Venice Beach on an impromptu whim. Graffiti walls, sand, shopping, returning for some delicious (and familar) Korean BBQ (ooohmygoodness). I love you girls<3
* Finally going to experiment with the Diana+... yikes!
It is about two hours past the original time I was going to post this xD Oh well!
(Note: posted at 4 am something or other)
Monday, November 9, 2009
When all tomorrows are gone, there will be teeth in the grass
Here is my cliche reason #205 as to why I'm blogging late at night (per usual): I'm supposed to be typing up my field notes for the past two weeks, and instead I casually wandered to this here little screen of joy, finally able to write something that is (hopefully) enjoyable. (Do not worry, the field notes are casually due before my internship Weds... so I'll do them later today).
Of course, there are a few thoughts floating within my psyche lately to the point of my pathos overtaking my logos (a little e100 humor, if you will).
To put this fairly bluntly, I believe a vast majority of us undermine our self-worth.
I would blame this on modesty, but perhaps modesty is skimming the surface. We are raised to believe we are special, unique, the apple of one's eye... And yet, as we grow older, we must allow our shine to dim. We realize there are a million more people out there taking the same major, loving the same music... and yet in this we find those who we lovingly call our friends. Perhaps these are the people who buffer you up every once in a while- allow you to shine in a moment of accomplishment, of need. It's a simultaneous buffering if you will, for when you shine you can only hope to allow the person that caused you to do so in the first place to shine as well. There are those moments when memory tends to overtake oneself from reality and place them back into a euphoria- it's when the night sky glimmers as the leaves of grass rustle with a cool breeze and the clouds seem to lift away from the cityscape to allow for that perfect view of feeling that last layer peel off and letting our notions of preconception lift itself away. Perhaps I have honestly gotten ahead of myself (the price of late-night blogging), and I do not have a real solution to give. It's evaluation- realizing how much you may actually mean to someone vs. what you honestly do mean to them... Not to say that we can predict to what degree we will affect another person. It's human desire to be surrounded by company (even bad company is better than none at all) because we are social creatures. Another leap of the mind thanks to Rousseau, but a leap I was willing to at least attempt.
In other babbling news, I am obsessed with Iron and Wine as of today (hence the title- finally, some relevance!). I can predict there is a lot of music that is making the "dear family and friends, the holidays are here" list. I could ramble- in fact, I will: White Rabbits, Yeasayer, Loney Dear, Port O'Brien, Plants and Animals... mmm. And this is only part of it.
PS- I want everything? http://www.kdikiovintage.net/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=1 Particularly the mustache man (I hate facial hair, but this is so amazing), and the lady janey... I may need to buy myself things!
With that, I need to sleep. I'm crumbling like a flower without water, which is not pleasant. So goodnight!
Of course, there are a few thoughts floating within my psyche lately to the point of my pathos overtaking my logos (a little e100 humor, if you will).
To put this fairly bluntly, I believe a vast majority of us undermine our self-worth.
I would blame this on modesty, but perhaps modesty is skimming the surface. We are raised to believe we are special, unique, the apple of one's eye... And yet, as we grow older, we must allow our shine to dim. We realize there are a million more people out there taking the same major, loving the same music... and yet in this we find those who we lovingly call our friends. Perhaps these are the people who buffer you up every once in a while- allow you to shine in a moment of accomplishment, of need. It's a simultaneous buffering if you will, for when you shine you can only hope to allow the person that caused you to do so in the first place to shine as well. There are those moments when memory tends to overtake oneself from reality and place them back into a euphoria- it's when the night sky glimmers as the leaves of grass rustle with a cool breeze and the clouds seem to lift away from the cityscape to allow for that perfect view of feeling that last layer peel off and letting our notions of preconception lift itself away. Perhaps I have honestly gotten ahead of myself (the price of late-night blogging), and I do not have a real solution to give. It's evaluation- realizing how much you may actually mean to someone vs. what you honestly do mean to them... Not to say that we can predict to what degree we will affect another person. It's human desire to be surrounded by company (even bad company is better than none at all) because we are social creatures. Another leap of the mind thanks to Rousseau, but a leap I was willing to at least attempt.
In other babbling news, I am obsessed with Iron and Wine as of today (hence the title- finally, some relevance!). I can predict there is a lot of music that is making the "dear family and friends, the holidays are here" list. I could ramble- in fact, I will: White Rabbits, Yeasayer, Loney Dear, Port O'Brien, Plants and Animals... mmm. And this is only part of it.
PS- I want everything? http://www.kdikiovintage.net/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=1 Particularly the mustache man (I hate facial hair, but this is so amazing), and the lady janey... I may need to buy myself things!
With that, I need to sleep. I'm crumbling like a flower without water, which is not pleasant. So goodnight!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Well how do you do, a kiss on the cheek, well it's been a while...
*Breathes out*
I finally found a moment to visit this lovely little page. Blog-time vs. real-time is certainly a concept that I just became quite aware of- when the days have so many small (yet exciting!) events going on, and they seem to pile upon each other... Certain things become rejected. Like my "dirty" room (... clothes on the chair. They'll get hung up in a bit), the books scattered all over my floor in various places... That may be it? I am a bit delirious- I should be sleeping due to not being able to gain a proper night's sleep for the past 2 nights (all my own doing, of course), but I felt the urge to type this-here blog.
So with midterms out of the way (at least for a while), I have a bit of time to concentrate on a few other activities (at least, for what my planner is telling me, a week minimum-ish. It's pushing it a bit!), I decided to make a list of what I need to accomplish/desire to do with the time I have between now and... then? Sure!
* Car wash
* Clean my room
* READ (like a good student girl!)
-- For class (I will not bore you with the details)
-- Nylon Magazines
-- Lolita (finish it!)
-- Poetry Books
* BUY/look into
-- White Rabbits
-- Mt. St. Helen's Vietnam Band
-- The Spinto Band
-- Sufjan Stevens' The BQE
* SUBMIT
-- Poems, poems, poems
* Live life? Sounds like a plan :)
I'll be more profound next time, I promise!
*
I finally found a moment to visit this lovely little page. Blog-time vs. real-time is certainly a concept that I just became quite aware of- when the days have so many small (yet exciting!) events going on, and they seem to pile upon each other... Certain things become rejected. Like my "dirty" room (... clothes on the chair. They'll get hung up in a bit), the books scattered all over my floor in various places... That may be it? I am a bit delirious- I should be sleeping due to not being able to gain a proper night's sleep for the past 2 nights (all my own doing, of course), but I felt the urge to type this-here blog.
So with midterms out of the way (at least for a while), I have a bit of time to concentrate on a few other activities (at least, for what my planner is telling me, a week minimum-ish. It's pushing it a bit!), I decided to make a list of what I need to accomplish/desire to do with the time I have between now and... then? Sure!
* Car wash
* Clean my room
* READ (like a good student girl!)
-- For class (I will not bore you with the details)
-- Nylon Magazines
-- Lolita (finish it!)
-- Poetry Books
* BUY/look into
-- White Rabbits
-- Mt. St. Helen's Vietnam Band
-- The Spinto Band
-- Sufjan Stevens' The BQE
* SUBMIT
-- Poems, poems, poems
* Live life? Sounds like a plan :)
I'll be more profound next time, I promise!
*
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