Do you know what's moving me?

Karma.

It's the one thing that I really believe in. It's an energy, a way to make the world a better place. Project yourself out there with good deeds and kindness and it will come back to you sorta thing.

I have a slight ESP, mostly concerning urges about material items (should I bring this thing? maybe I shouldn't wear that because it will break today...). I go against it (rebelrebel). I end up breaking something, needing the item I left at home. And I would like to claim a few things about the world-- how my day will go, how a situation will play itself out.

It's like feeling chemistry. That sense of catching someone's eye, and holding a gaze for two seconds. Then letting go. Having it lock again, and taking a step backward just to acknowledge it with light conversation.

So what happens when something shakes you to the core?

As much as I like to say I'm over things, I'm not fully. I still have dreams. Wake up in shock. Catch my breath in the car after I realize I have dwelled for too long. A lingering sensation on the lips from a kiss that happened in a fever dream. I still felt the drop in my stomach, but gulped it down to maintain composure.

Because sometimes you have to encrypt a moment. Tuck it deep into memory. Let the universe take over. We found happiness on our own, and have finally come to terms with it.

Maybe the shaking wasn't just a heart quiver. Perhaps it was karma preparing for my heart to settle down.

[Meteor- The Bird and the Bee]

There's no time to take

So, it's October?

I can't believe it. In such a short time I have taken the GRE, figured out what schools I wanted to apply to, pretty much completed a writing sample, started apps, worked about 22-30 hours per week, am expected to read about 2.25 books per week, fallen in love all over again, and kinda just tried not to drown?

It seems like life is really deciding to hit me hard. I don't like exposing too much about the distress in my life, but let's just say that I have been dealing with a lot. I'm relearning how to reach out. I'm relearning about friendship. Because at the end of the day, it reduces down to one thing: if you care about someone and they care about you, they will be there. Whether it be through study dates, lunch outings, random texts after a run-in... it's still nice to know I do have people who will catch me.

Just gotta keep moving through it. My horoscope said something on the lines of whatever situations I am in right now, they will clear up. And although I love me some fog, I would love to see that light at the end of the tunnel right about now.

[Feist- One Evening]