Lookin' up at the biggest dipper through your skylight <3

A lot of thoughts have been flowing in and out of my mind this week. Linking to the heart, of course, and always being sucked deeper and deeper into a dreamworld. Love, with it's broad contours that seem to flow effortlessly and are still so entrapping... Creating walls and yet building bridges between the heart and mind, balancing what is rational and what is too romantic for words to convey. It batters, it bruises, and yet each slight pain and ache is what some search for their whole lives... That hope that when one ascertains it in its purest form, that sense of complete and utter bliss will wash away all the negative experiences. Perhaps this is where my pessimism persists- this one broad field of vision. At the same time, it may be the one thing I am most optimistic about, because I know that it will be beautiful, it will be disastrous, but I would not have it any other way.

Noting that this blog has been written and rewritten, constantly forming and collapsing for the past (insert # here) days puts my mind in a cool, contemplative daze. As I continue to look at each tiny letter that appears on this screen, I am slowly edging myself deeper and deeper into this particular pool of thought: As long as love is constant, all will be well. It flows through the body just as consistently as blood. It is taken in and breathed out just as easily as air. It is the path underneath one's shoes, the substance of the soul, the skin upon one's very lips...

Every moment is worth it. Just keep in check.
(and how does one?)

Heart-to-hearts with my besties. Reading. Running into the night. Jam sessions (covers and originals). Desiring even more music (Sondre Leche, and going to see an orchestral Death Cab for Cutie with Tegan and Sara and The New Pornographers). Driving adventures. Writing.
Oh, methodology.

Again, every moment is worth it. Keep breathing, you are alive!

Lie to me if you will at the top of Beringer Hill...

Call me anything you want, any old lie will do
Call me back to... back to you

With sleep beckoning me to bed, I'll try to keep this as short and sweet as possible...

Oh summer, you and your delicate rays basking on young souls. Allowing them to burst before you like bubbles against fingertips. Allowing them to fall as leaves during the coldest autumn day...

I've fallen to optimism one too many times. Granted, I would not have it any other way: This is me, plain and simple. Extraordinary and complex. Rush into me like the ocean tide, yet let me rise like the waning moon... I need to feel as if I am flying, yet continue to be grounded... Oh hi, my constant wanderings into Mind-Body Dualism.

This summer has begun beautifully, and yet reality has already bonked me on the head with a hammer several times... But it's because of friends, because of those who do love me, that I am able to look past all of... it. I still have faith- I still want to rise and fall, blossom and burst... all because it makes me feel alive.

And with that, I say goodnight <3

Here's to the one, The one with the bright eyes, who made me realize, I've got a long-long way to go to California

It is time (drumroll included) for the ever-so-common, ever-so-gracefully written "End of the Year" Blogpost! The inspiration for this post originally came to me while I packed my room away in Irvine, a bit before my dad helped me move out and a few minutes before my lovely Deanna came to help me out/go on a food adventure with me! So, without further ado, the post below... (Oh yes, this is re-written joy as of 6/16)

I will not break it down step-by-step, bigger tests (finals) after smaller tests, romantic memory versus realistic experience. I entered Irvine, once again, with such enthusiasm that my heart could swell! Academically, I did just about the same as last year (possibly even better), and enjoyed a majority of my classes (particularly the E28-series, which I'll get into later...). Teachers were amazing- pretty much every teacher made me truly feel academically challenged... But even academics cannot trace why this year was so... good. In the beginning of the year, I found myself begging for excuses to escape from the city of Irvine... and now, I find myself longing for reasons to come back. Do not get me wrong- I love my life in SD, but Irvine is starting to truly feel like the home away from home I envisioned college to be (despite the ever-so-expensive habits of eating and drinking overpriced boba...).

Honestly, I grew up a lot this year. The moments of doubt and sadness are not truly worthy of being mentioned, but are acknowledged due to making me look at myself, my situations, and figuring out the best alternative towards finding the happiness I have strived towards... If anything, I finally found the strength to let go of something I envisioned as so dear to myself. Like I said, that beautiful end has finally arrived, and hopefully it will be the beginning of something entirely different.

I have to pull a corny moment out of my hat... E28Besties: You all are a-freakin'-mazing. I still cannot believe how I could enter a class, and thanks to the hilarity/sickliness of our lovely professor, come out with 5 (now 6 since spring quarter) of my closest friends. There was not a day where I didn't smile because of you. I truly love you all, and words cannot put into justice how much you all mean to me.

I came out of the year with an ever-so-overflowing cup of joy as finals week ended... And (not gonna lie) a giddy heart (butterflies and all? yeah? yeah... Oh gosh, we'll see where this goes!). I'm looking forward to fall that much more <3.

Tonight, I'm gonna fill your guitar with pigeons, So next time, You're left with just the rhythms

I should be working on my essay... Why do I always start off my blogs saying "Hey you, I'm procrastinating once again so right now is the perfect time to blog!" Well, I figured I'm pulling an all-nighter for this baby anyways, so might as well make it tonight. I can nap in the car (for reasons I'll explain below...) (EDIT: Decided to sleep after posting this. Waking up early to work on it at starbucks, with caffeine in hand!)

So, this finals week is a bit hectic for me this year. First off, the joyous occasion of my little sister graduating high school. My older sister and I have to miss the dinner portion because I have a final from 1:30-3:30, then we have to dash to SD and get there by 5ish (so we can find parking for the ceremony at 6), probably do a little something after (8ish?), then come back up to the 'vine that night for my final from 8-10 am friday morning! Busy two days, right? Well, today (yes, today), I'm going to a funeral for my great-uncle. It's a sad occasion, honestly... Although I was not insanely close to him, he was still a very large part of the family impact on my mother's side (as in, he's been there through the years). There's certainly a balance between joy and sadness this week- funeral/graduation, finals/killing them (hopefully), procrastination/wonderful friends (oh yes, there is a difference).

It's not time for an "end of the year" blog to occur, but I have to say that I am truly excited to go back to SD.... I just wish I could bring all the wonderful things from Irvine back with me. There are so many adventures that are going to be happening in SD this year (let's break it down)

1) Working camp with my family and friends (YAY!!! So excited <3)

2) Playing in summer band (sans braces!)

3) Del Mar Fair

4) The possibility of some of my Irvine friends visiting me (oooh my goodness PLEASE)

5) Recording music with Daniel (oh GOSH. Black and Gold and In My Life are in the works <3)

6) Hillcrest adventures

7) Orchestral Death Cab for Cutie concert in July (with Heather, Ashley, and Gabrielle)

8) American Idol Tour with my papa in July (Adam Lambert, hometown hero!)

9) Los Campesinos! in Pomona in August :) (with Elif and Aileen, my two best friends and my favorite band at the moment)

10) Turning the big 2-1 in August (no idea how exactly to celebrate, considering I'm the oldie out of my friends... Nevertheless, it will be wonderful!)

11) READING!!! (Re-reading Catcher in the Rye, McSweeny short stories, Dubliners by James Joyce, Nylon Magazines... ahhhh <3)

12) Acquiring my muuuusic (as in the list and multiple blurbs below... and blurb isn't even being spellchecked? suh-wheat!)

13) Various hangout days: beach, exercise, dinner dates (including those ever-so-special dressing up for the simple reason of feeling like it with the girls), movie-watching, shopping, PANIKAN TEA HOUSE, Coffee Bean...

14) Oh yeah, and True Blood is kinda going to be on TV again. Basically the best part of summer television!

15) The late-night chats with my loves from Irvine... oh yes <3

16) More poetry writing (gotta get published: round two!)

17) Guitar skills need to be acquired. Thanks!

In truth, I seriously want to bring all that is wonderful about Irvine to SD with me. But that is going to be saved for the always-entertaining End of the School Year Blog of Life...

I'm going to sleep. I am babbling on like a brook :).

(This is Where The Song Gets Sexy) If Bananas Had Lips, They Would Kiss and Not Miss...

Toni Morrison, as a writer, creates a dichotomy between good and evil through her characters... a more-than-necessary dichtomy, in fact, that exists only to allow one and the other to function. Take Sula for example- the argument is made that Sula represents all that is evil and wrong within the world, and the community she lives in tries to shun her (aka use her as a scapegoat). With her death, however, the community no longer functions, and they acknowledge that her existence was necessary to allow them to operate as a unit; without her, they fall apart.

... Does this exist in real life?

Absolutely. Perhaps this is why I continue to hold on, because your presence reminds me of the million ounces of goodness I feel exist within myself. Perhaps you are the yin to my yang, the knot around the anchor leveling me constantly in reality (or some obscure form of it). Does this mean that your image must be with mine? Oh no- I prefer for us to stand apart and still, breathing echoes of rememory across city borders. Maybe you are necessary in my life in order to provide this split, to provide the underlying current to allow me to function and carry on, knowing that one day I'll be able to wake up and fully realize how far I've come.

For now, I feel that this has happened- I'm out.