We have taken to the streets in open rejoice

"After reading your work, I can say that you are a caliber above them all".

(wow. speechless for.... a long time).

My thoughts in picture form:













[Paris is Burning- St. Vincent]

I'm not the carpet you walk on, I'm not one small atomic bomb

Third Publication in UCI New Forum (the poem below is featured in the Winter 2010 Edition)!

---
Splinter

To say the glass fell from the sky is ridiculous
But I have not told you, my darling,
That the cabinets and ceilings are part of the division
Between what is beyond us and near us, and
Just because they are white and close to the windows
Does not mean that you can reach in and grab at will.

I carry you to safety, to the plush carpet
Beneath your feet, where the ceramic slivers will
Not cross into your being.
At your age, I never want you to experience
That painful cut. I want you to remain porcelain and complete,
Sitting on my shelf with shadows crossing your reflection.

With broom in hand, I sweep the mess you made.
I watch with precision. There will be no trace
Of any of this material faltering.
But I feel my back pulling away.
It splits along the vertebrae and juts into
Paralysis as you climb to reach the sky again.

I don’t know how much longer I will be able to hold you up.
---

It is always amazing to see my words in print. The most amazing aspect were the friends (and sibling!) who went to support me... I could not have asked for more. From the beautiful intro to my poem to my reading it to the compliments afterwards... I am dumbfounded with how my work is being taken in. Truly, I am just aspiring for the stars and doing whatever I can to reach them...

So thank you.

[Now Now- St. Vincent]

I'm obsolete, But if the chance remained, To see those better days, I'd cut the cannons down

I deleted the last post (and damn, there was some good metaphor in there).

I try to filter my mind, shift through memories, keep the gold and toss the silt back into the mix.
There was some silt that needed to be tossed. I couldn't keep up something that was based on assumptions.

My philosophy on life is to base it within emotion. Although irrational, I will ride on the back of pathos until the cows come home. I believe(d) that emotion- pure, unrequited- can surpass any obstacle. (There's the hope. There's the optimism). But one must be open to circumstance, to logic, to the mind's interference... Because rational is key. It curves the emotions so as to keep them within the constraints that we must adapt to (otherwise, we would be wild and reckless within our freedom). I am not saying that emotions are the way to go at all times... Rather, I believe that if there is feeling, there are ways to bypass circumstance.

I'm in deep. I shouldn't be. The timing was off (mingling with a few other unfortunate matters). And I'm not one to believe in planning the future when circumstances are in constant fluctuation, but... I feel.
Perhaps the stars will align to create a silver lining.
I'm watching the skyline to see this effect. I can't say for how long before I blink away, but I will glance back occasionally and smile.

(ps- thank you to the following
Dull Life- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Salesman- White Rabbits
Unfold and Please Don't Tell Her- Jason Mraz
Vagabond feat. Shad K- Hey Ocean)

[Giving Up the Gun- Vampire Weekend]

A million broken beats drove right through me. I took a breath, another one, and simply walked away.

It's finally gone through me.

I was letting a feeling ride itself out. I kept faith, because when you expressed something 4 months ago I was amazed. I thought, How did this happen? What sort of cosmos came together to have this occur? What being do I owe for this? But time has proven itself again and again.
I was racing to catch you always. I realize that now.

You began the race, and I finished it.
I waited on your words, in rain, in the midst of academia.
You figured it out.

And the most amazing people stood and watched me in this race. They saw my staggering. They replenished whatever water I lost. Yet I continued to run, because I wanted the adrenaline rush, the heart swelling, the muscular strain that comes with it all.
I was wrapped up in your perfection.

The words you deserve better have been said again and again. For my modesty I accepted them with kindness, but my mind could not wrap around it (one girl knows this, as she has said it to me every day as she watched me come and go).

Today it hit me. A customer came in, "How's my favorite doing?" (I blushed and replied). "Do you remember my order?" (I forgot. He forgave me). "So, what are you doing tomorrow? I'm sure you have a whole slew of dates lined up for you?" (No, I don't. I actually...). "WHAT?! Explain this to me!" (I explained). "Sweetheart, promise me something (insert it here). You deserve nothing but the best. I'm checking in on you. Promise?" (Deal).

If a person who has only seen me a few times can see this, why couldn't you?
It's not a question I need answered. Your actions were louder than your words. But their words are resonating louder still.

Thank you dn, dl, jr, sm, dg, as, mb, bm, mc, ep, abci, sm.
I'm letting go.

[Beatboxer Who Broke My Heart- Hey Ocean!]

The rest is sure to lay me ease the plural hurts of the words of reverse psychology

So... what's this week's excuse?

I'm not letting my heart swell this time.
(believe me when I say it will... I just can't show it)

"Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry."
(Thanks Michael "Heartbreaker" <3)

[Please Don't Tell Her- Jason Mraz]