As I clean my throat, I'm mystified

Stress continued to bang and clang its rearing head, pounding until it hit some nerve. (In plain english.. yeah, I had a bit of a breakdown. But there are some people who have it way worse than I do, so I don't want to dwell on it).

And even in the shaking, I found thoughts of you in mixed CDs and random outbursts of song. Because it was at my birthday party four years ago we first sang in front of each other. It was two years ago we went to a concert together and danced without a care. This past winter break, we stumbled upon the closed doors to a favorite coffee shop, making us wander to another and sit in the warmth of a car, as if it were a fire. The necklace that hangs above the dash is the same tinted red of the heart you wore, carved with a brown or black string through it. Although we found ourselves busy, I still called and you still answered, even for a minute. And I called tonight out of longing, and you replied that you were coming home for a weekend, and thank goodness I called (because in your truest fashion, you only tell if inquired).

It's funny to say, but what got us to be as close as we are were our attractions to each other. I mean, you made me blush. I made you laugh. We showered each other with compliments, guitar and writing serenades, honesty. And in that blunt nature we found a friendship that had no boundaries, one that could be pushed to a new conversational limit as we outlined parks with our feet and breathed out stories in fog.

These are my favorite types of friendships, the ones that have a spark.

[Social Competence- Peter Moren]

Cool it mister ice cream sun//The storm is breaking with the shaking

[Written in the night]

Nostalgia hits me hardest in the later hours. In light minutes my mind seems to travel towards the future, beyond the occurring (the horizon where now ends). An obvious dichotomy of day and night, past and future.

My current space breathes with car rides (a common theme as of late), sunshine burning my skin, scent changes, early nights. My time was spent only a few weeks ago staying up late, old television softly glowing, the pressure of books against our knees (and mostly a blue couch) as the words tended to sink lower instead of into our heads (though we let on eventually that work was accomplished). I now read (although still mostly leisurely) to feel even that slight sense of study... Steady. A steady sense of grounding myself.

And I make it sound as if I am longing for the past, but only aspects of it. Because I know how exciting these summer moments are, full of beer froth and rock dust. I'm just longing to relive the quarter miles that took us to warm cookies and iced coffee.

--
[Written in daylight]

Four hours of sleep later and a warm shower slumbered and washed the twitch away. Time straightened itself out like floss being wrapped around one's index finger (the moment pulled into a curl).

I want to tightrope across this schedule of ours and be able to grab your hand and run. It's hard to break habits, and although we were not habitual, I'm hoping that the same thought has crossed you even for a second.

Because yeah, I miss you and stuffs!

[Everything Starts Where It Ends- Lovedrug & Zorbing- Stornoway]