I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees

Gary Young- Hummingbirds build their nests

Hummingbirds build their nests under the ferns; little cups of lichen, feathers, and moss. They cannot walk, but they can hover in the air. They can fly forward and fly back, and when they move into the light, their frail bodies shine with iridescence. Watching them in the garden, my own voice startles me saying, look, there's my heart.



Renaissance.
These girls are a big part of my heart, and as busy as we are, these are the moments that continue to make my year, my life, and every little thing in-between make sense.

[Bloodbuzz Ohio- The National]

I'd kiss you, but you know it'd be gently through the door

I wish there was a button to check for ambiguity in my work.

I find language beautiful. I long to hear beautiful prose, the way words can be strung together to communicate a narrative.
... And yet I've been getting slammed for it. Not because of the words I use (for the most part), but because of the embellishment.

Every few weeks I fight back tears as I hear the same comment over and over- what is going on here? I drown myself in ways to express scenarios in wrapped images, much like giftwrap. It's a beautiful outside, but the inside is very concrete. That's what my poetry has been lately- a bunch of giftwrap to cover up what is really at the heart- the present itself, in plain sight, no decoration.

So I gotta toss that paper away, and fast. So long codework.
I'm wanting to get to these presents just as much as you do.

[If You Can't See My Mirrors- The New Pornographers]

From a void to a grain of sand in your hand

Writer's Block

Instead of allowing myself to be stuck, I am constantly trying to climb this rock, this bolder, this big cliff in front of me that once I pass over it, I will freefall into water, crisp and serene and cool.

For now, I feel as if I've lost myself.
But writers are meant to be broken and reformed.

[Orphans- Beck]

And he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Memory is like a palpitating shadow,
a ghost pang, oiled
to beat and shriek
against the wind.

My tongue doesn't realize
the flight of ghosts.

(written by myself from my internship. I'm kinda proud of it)

---

We recorded our voices as mp3s in order to tease each other, to prove how far we were willing to reveal our secrets. I kept mine on a burned disc, repeating my order for you not to listen until I left. Separately, we listened to the coos of impressions being made. I fell for your laughter, your voice rising and falling in earnest desiring. You fell for my blending with the sound, and for goodness knows what else.

We drove along the coast, me falling asleep while clasping your hand. Inland, familiar songs began to play, us mouthing the words. And then you began to sing. My voice snuck underneath yours, crescendo-ing in familiarity. Something. Samson. These Days.

And it's just the beginning. My goodness, I love you.

[Samson- Regina Spektor]

I am yours now, so now I don't ever have to leave

I realize my best thoughts occur during car rides by myself.

The long drive home, traveling past fields of mustard seed with the sea to my right. It's honestly the most enjoyable time I get to spend by myself, surrounded by the open road, susceptible to the elements. Being able to control the interior- the music playing, the air circulating through my clenched hands on the wheels, the speed. My mind rolls through thoughts of my destination, and lines begin to form and be drawn out in front of me.... which causes me to take my cell phone and scribble them in through the power of the note application and t9 (until the note exceeds its limit, then I have to rush and try to keep my thoughts).

I have learned the value of my car. A teacher once told me the best time to memorize anything was in one's car, completely alone. And it works.

And now, for the ever-popular obsessions.

1) Iced tea (Im trying to get myself off of powdery drinks from work. Only one a week. And honestly, with the sun coming out to play more often, iced tea is where it's at <3 Natural flavor baby, natural!)

2) The XX (gah, so good. Seeing them in June!). And Laura Marling's CD did not disappoint! Also obsessed with Edward Sharpe, Dirty Projectors, Animal Collective... mmm mmm mmm

3) Finally got my dream blazer from H&M. Perfect mix of feminine and manliness- lightweight, oversized pockets, tailoring, and simply to-die-for. Also found my perfect trousers (hello androgyny, I love you).

4) Rings- so many now! Trying to find another knux ring and a few other pieces.

5) Love.

[Islands- The xx]

Let it always be known that I was who I am

Happy Birthday blawg <3

I was writing your "birthday note" on your actual birthday, but have not had time to develop it (and I have a pet peeve about blogs being posted on inaccurate days).

The interesting thing is how one begins to mark a year- birthdays, anniversaries, New Year's Eve/Day. And I have found another marker in you. You have held my thoughts, my poetry, my memories, my ramblings. You have seen me through multiple changes of ideology, continuous musical fandom, and countless heart swells.

You are helping to create a story, a sort of history. Because what I document are thoughts, materialized through words to stain this page. I am recording every desire- at times, encrusted in code- to look back on for memory's sake. It is in this moment that these thoughts flourish, to settle down and become paragraphs for the past, and I can only look forward towards whatever circumstances will bring me into the future.

Thank you for our year of history making. Let's keep going <3

(and to quote, I'm mad as a hatter for you.
teeheehee)

[Laura Marling- Rambling Man]

Home is wherever I'm with you

Before leaving, you told me to work on being here more. I asked further. You said, "I can feel that you're here with me, right now. But I can tell when your mind travels, how you're putting one foot in front of the other, how your eyes gaze further than the horizon of this room. When you leave, leave for here".

I find myself searching for here while everything is slightly scattering around me. I find focus in your voice amidst every smile. I return constantly to imagine hearing it.

I know about time, and this place holds an infinite amount of it. So when I say take your time, I'm here for you, I mean it. I am striving for here, presently moving within the changing seconds. It's hard to not look beyond this moment, because we will cross paths again.

my darling, I'll be here soon

[Home- Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros]