And how the time flies!
I'm feeling a bit list-y/finally feel like writing a bit (as I relive my childhood by watching Mrs. Doubtfire).
It's been about a month since my last post, a week since I've graduated... and a whole slew of things have occurred.
Spring Quarter was crafted around two of my passions- writing poetry and learning about pastoral literature. Not only do I feel like I learned the most i have in all my quarters at UCI from the most brilliant professors, but I spent time with my best friends... Honestly, the most wonderful, beautiful people in the world. Our days were filled with reading books, poems, discussing life over coffee and amazing food, musical excursions, and nights of "cuddles" (aka hangout time). Everything around me just had this sort of... calm that I haven't experienced in some time. I realized I made the right decision in... so many things.
Even with going into the summer, I thought I needed to work myself to the bone again-- to save for grad school, get myself into a form of financial stability to pay loans off, afford the trip to Britain I want to make by the end of this year... But after talking to a few friends and family members, I realized that I don't need to do that. I'm only 22, and this needs to be a time of relaxing, of figuring out life slowly and not having to push myself into an extreme work-mode.
Relaxation has found its way slowly to me. I'm working on creating a "writing blog" for bits and bobs of the poetry I will write from now until grad school. I'm also immersing myself in Seamus Heaney's work, possibly some theory as well... Besides that, I've been doing the barista thing still and preparing my move from one apartment to the next to the final destination of grad school come August.
And, just because, here are a few lists!
The Books I've Been Reading
~ Matthew Dickman's All-American Poem
~ Ilya Kaminsky's Dancing in Odessa
~ Louise Gluck's A Village Life
~ Haruki Murakami's The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles
The Music I've Been Hearing (/a lot of these I will be getting soon... I hope I hope!)
~ Arctic Monkeys (new album is on repeat)
~ Fleet Foxes (ditto about new album)
~ James Blake (gahhhhhh <3)
~ Childish Gambino (yesyesyes)
~ Bon Iver (hopefully seeing in September!)
~ EMA (oh yes)
~ Deerhunter
~ The Antlers
~ The Horrors (need to look into all three of these bands!)
The Food I've Been Consuming (moreso, favorite spots!)
~ Chapter One (obsessed- $5 mimosas. enough said)
~ Shin Sen Gumi (ramen omnom!)
~ Thai Gulf (an endless feast!)
~ Taco Mesa (oms)
~ Lola Gaspar (nom)
~ Gypsy Den (went for my grad luncheon- deeelicious)
The Memories I'm Holding Dearest
~ Emphasis Dinner
~ The Drive Home from LA (fireworks, talks, Chinese Feast, video games, music)
~ Aldrich Park/Pub Days
~ "Family Dinners" with the apartment mates <3
~ The Mags excursions...
~ Seeing Listen!
Thanks for giving me so much to look back on, and so much to look forward to (such as a roast my friend is hosting, where I'll be a featured poet!). Here's looking to the memories that are to come <3
[The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala- Arctic Monkeys]
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Know you can count on me
Girl, you are glowing!
There are many reasons to be, currently. It's shocking to think that in five weeks I'll be walking to a podium to get my B.A. then start my grad school education. I'll be leaving a place that I've called home to return to a city I once felt completely at home in.
Beyond these shocks, however, are beautiful things. My New York trip was absolutely lovely and necessary, filled with wonderful food and time with my sister. Work has been pleasant-- the days have gone by faster, to say the least. Red Hen is still as good as ever (granted, I've been having to ditch lately due to school/other things). Friends are lovely as always, the writing is happening, and the new Panda Bear album is absolutely lovely.
This "glow" is a wonderful thing. I haven't been this sure about something in a while. But you can tell when a heart is present and open for someone, when sentiment is felt mutually. And although I try to bundle myself in a bit of reality every once in a while... I'm so happy that this is here.
Because yeah, we're on the same brain-length. And I really like that.
[You Can Count on Me-Panda Bear]
There are many reasons to be, currently. It's shocking to think that in five weeks I'll be walking to a podium to get my B.A. then start my grad school education. I'll be leaving a place that I've called home to return to a city I once felt completely at home in.
Beyond these shocks, however, are beautiful things. My New York trip was absolutely lovely and necessary, filled with wonderful food and time with my sister. Work has been pleasant-- the days have gone by faster, to say the least. Red Hen is still as good as ever (granted, I've been having to ditch lately due to school/other things). Friends are lovely as always, the writing is happening, and the new Panda Bear album is absolutely lovely.
This "glow" is a wonderful thing. I haven't been this sure about something in a while. But you can tell when a heart is present and open for someone, when sentiment is felt mutually. And although I try to bundle myself in a bit of reality every once in a while... I'm so happy that this is here.
Because yeah, we're on the same brain-length. And I really like that.
[You Can Count on Me-Panda Bear]
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Oh, the sound of life
Spring is in the air!
There is so much to love about spring. It's when everything starts growing back-- completely fresh, renewal at its finest. It's crazy to think that, in just a few short months, I'll be graduating with a BA in English and an emphasis in poetry, only to embark on another adventure to grad school (yes, I got into a school! I'm still waiting to hear from one other school, then it's decision time). I am also taking a workshop with Michael Ryan, who is one of my favorite poets, and am fortunate to have two of my best friends in my last English class.
Everything is falling into place. I just packed my suitcase for my trip to New York tomorrow! Lots of clothes to layer, lots of options (of course a few extra shirts never hurt anyone). I'm just so excited that this trip is actually happening, that I have finally paid back all of my dues and am able to visit my sister without feeling like I need to pinch pennies. Then I'll be returning home to visit close friends and cuddle on a couch with my family. I haven't been home in months because of how busy I've been, but I am so happy to give myself an entire week of relaxation.
The plan is simple: get back to enjoying everything all over again <3
[Raindrops- Grand Hallway]
There is so much to love about spring. It's when everything starts growing back-- completely fresh, renewal at its finest. It's crazy to think that, in just a few short months, I'll be graduating with a BA in English and an emphasis in poetry, only to embark on another adventure to grad school (yes, I got into a school! I'm still waiting to hear from one other school, then it's decision time). I am also taking a workshop with Michael Ryan, who is one of my favorite poets, and am fortunate to have two of my best friends in my last English class.
Everything is falling into place. I just packed my suitcase for my trip to New York tomorrow! Lots of clothes to layer, lots of options (of course a few extra shirts never hurt anyone). I'm just so excited that this trip is actually happening, that I have finally paid back all of my dues and am able to visit my sister without feeling like I need to pinch pennies. Then I'll be returning home to visit close friends and cuddle on a couch with my family. I haven't been home in months because of how busy I've been, but I am so happy to give myself an entire week of relaxation.
The plan is simple: get back to enjoying everything all over again <3
[Raindrops- Grand Hallway]
Friday, February 25, 2011
The way that you say things that make them sound so right
Today, I went on a quest for answers.
The receipt shook in my hand like a leaf as I listened to a friend. We switched places, and I began to wonder. I let the cosmos unfurl through cards. Small confirmations were spilled onto a table, and I let them sink in.
She mentioned angels dropping little notes to me- my small inspirations. How there is support all around me. How it was true- we were meant to meet, and it was beautiful. How a girl walked away from an outreached hand. The sense of longing still present. The confirmation in school.
I needed a solid foundation-- one I already believed in. It materialized within the span of fifteen minutes and hours of driving.
Just remain clear, remain sharp. It will work out.
[Cross Oceans-First Aid Kit]
The receipt shook in my hand like a leaf as I listened to a friend. We switched places, and I began to wonder. I let the cosmos unfurl through cards. Small confirmations were spilled onto a table, and I let them sink in.
She mentioned angels dropping little notes to me- my small inspirations. How there is support all around me. How it was true- we were meant to meet, and it was beautiful. How a girl walked away from an outreached hand. The sense of longing still present. The confirmation in school.
I needed a solid foundation-- one I already believed in. It materialized within the span of fifteen minutes and hours of driving.
Just remain clear, remain sharp. It will work out.
[Cross Oceans-First Aid Kit]
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Dear heart, don't stop fighting
Believe me, I'm making lists of my dues, what I owe everyone.
It's hard to let people peek into even a bit of my life anymore... Which is oxymoronic of me to say. I'm practically an open book, willing to talk to most things that move. But since the day I realized things weren't the same, I felt myself shut down and off. I have thrown myself into work since the summer, the drives back and forth from home to home to keep my job and try to earn something. Fall quarter I called friends and family in tears-- I lacked sleep. I ate maybe once a day. Avoided food in order to keep a dollar in my pocket. Paid for an apartment on my own. Avoided said apartment because it was cold, too quiet, drafty with old memories. Still dealing with financial family issues (hopefully to be resolved soon). All while trying to keep relationships afloat, a social life, my grades up, applications turned in.
Let's just keep it at this: Last week, from Monday on, was not good. A lot of issues broke out like a fever. I broke from pressures to reply.
Just understand I'm trying my best. I know it may not be good enough for you, but I've stretched myself thin.
[Riot Rhythm- Sleigh Bells]
It's hard to let people peek into even a bit of my life anymore... Which is oxymoronic of me to say. I'm practically an open book, willing to talk to most things that move. But since the day I realized things weren't the same, I felt myself shut down and off. I have thrown myself into work since the summer, the drives back and forth from home to home to keep my job and try to earn something. Fall quarter I called friends and family in tears-- I lacked sleep. I ate maybe once a day. Avoided food in order to keep a dollar in my pocket. Paid for an apartment on my own. Avoided said apartment because it was cold, too quiet, drafty with old memories. Still dealing with financial family issues (hopefully to be resolved soon). All while trying to keep relationships afloat, a social life, my grades up, applications turned in.
Let's just keep it at this: Last week, from Monday on, was not good. A lot of issues broke out like a fever. I broke from pressures to reply.
Just understand I'm trying my best. I know it may not be good enough for you, but I've stretched myself thin.
[Riot Rhythm- Sleigh Bells]
Friday, February 11, 2011
I've come to realize life is not about love with someone
As we drove back from lunch, I realized that I missed calling him "mine", but wanted to continue not being called "his".
I asked for time, as I always do. To figure things out, to let everything filter and sort itself out. I packed up bits of my life in make-shift mason jars- enough to see through but keep packed in. I told him once that I kept everything, read every day and thought. But it became too much.
It's for the better. It's not the love that dies out, but the strain of "time" and placement in life right now. Like a puzzle, we had to punch the piece in. Now, I'm working for effortless.
[I Want to Be Well- Sufjan Stevens]
I asked for time, as I always do. To figure things out, to let everything filter and sort itself out. I packed up bits of my life in make-shift mason jars- enough to see through but keep packed in. I told him once that I kept everything, read every day and thought. But it became too much.
It's for the better. It's not the love that dies out, but the strain of "time" and placement in life right now. Like a puzzle, we had to punch the piece in. Now, I'm working for effortless.
[I Want to Be Well- Sufjan Stevens]
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Lay your eggs where it's warm
So far in 2011, I have
completed my 6th (and possibly final) application for grad school (note: 7th is pending on how I feel in the morning/if I can really handle writing more personal statements and essays/debating my financial circumstances... always.)
worked at Red Hen Press for a month, and am loving it (besides the gas mileage... weow)!
saw my sister off to the Big Apple, and am hopefully visiting her in March (fingers crossed! Again, depends on finances. but papa may help I hope).
rid myself of (most of) the sugary stuffs at the bean
began brewing my own coffee!!!
found the most amazing shoes ever (h&m.thankyou. also, thank you family for giftcards!)
get to sit in a row with my best friends during a morning class <3
listened to some great tunes: new girls' ep, lcd soundsystem, first aid kit, kexp artists (x1000), beach house, andrew (freakin) bird!!!
poemsprositrypoemspoemspoems. ohhh workshops!
mommy visits :)
sorting.life.ouuuuuuuut.
... mmmhmmm!
[Masterswarm- Andrew Bird]
completed my 6th (and possibly final) application for grad school (note: 7th is pending on how I feel in the morning/if I can really handle writing more personal statements and essays/debating my financial circumstances... always.)
worked at Red Hen Press for a month, and am loving it (besides the gas mileage... weow)!
saw my sister off to the Big Apple, and am hopefully visiting her in March (fingers crossed! Again, depends on finances. but papa may help I hope).
rid myself of (most of) the sugary stuffs at the bean
began brewing my own coffee!!!
found the most amazing shoes ever (h&m.thankyou. also, thank you family for giftcards!)
get to sit in a row with my best friends during a morning class <3
listened to some great tunes: new girls' ep, lcd soundsystem, first aid kit, kexp artists (x1000), beach house, andrew (freakin) bird!!!
poemsprositrypoemspoemspoems. ohhh workshops!
mommy visits :)
sorting.life.ouuuuuuuut.
... mmmhmmm!
[Masterswarm- Andrew Bird]
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