Something that won't get lost

Let's get specific: Season 6, Episode 14, Sex and the City. Carrie is dating Alexsander Protrovsky, and he is overly romantic if you will-- he writes a song for her on piano, reads Russian poetry, tries to get her to dance with him on their way to the opera as a string quartet plays in the distance and the city lights flicker off fountain water. In the end, she takes him to McDonalds and they shuffle in front of their cashier and order of fries.

So it got me thinking about romance, of course. I swoon over 1920s jazz tunes, French lyrics (though my only qualification at understanding French is standing in front of a boombox and singing Celine Dion songs), poetry... Yeah, a bit old fashioned, but have what you will. I also love a fine mix tape (cough, CD), one where you can tell how much thought has been put into making it... "perfect". But these are the oddly-intimate things one gets to learn from me (which, yes, I'm blogging).

I witnessed a completely different romance yesterday-- the type that is found in people simply caring about other people. It was my birthday, and I was surrounded with wishes from people I haven't heard from in years, the people I speak to every day, to the people I hoped to hear from the most... Because caring for someone can be romantic in itself, without gestures. But sometimes you just need a day of gestures to be reminded of how lucky one is to be surrounded by people who want to make that one person happy.

[Red Hunting Jacket- Little Scream]

We'll just have some fun

So the basic story of my life is as follows:

workworkwork, went to New York and ate a ton of food (and walked. and hung out with my seesters and family), bought a record player (!!!), prepare for grad school, read and try to write a bit, hang out with friends (LA adventures and Irvine cuddles). Overall, this is the best summer I've ever had :)

The next event just so happens to be my birthday! Usually I have something planned out by now, but I'm still not sure of what I really want to do beyond a few plans with a few close friends.

Until the plans are fleshed out (and occur so as to blog a bit), I'm giving into my tendency of needing to create a list of material items I might desire, just in case friends do push me to actually name things. In truth, give me a cuddle and some quality time and all will be perfect!

Without further ado...

MUSIC
~ annuals
~ the rentals
~ the vaccines
~ the love language
~ stornoway
~ the inbetweeners
~ jamie t
~ elbow
~ mystery jets


Other items on the lookout for... leather jacket (yes, there is a specific), oxford boots, boots in general (again, specifics on both), maybe a denim jacket? I found one on urban xD And a few things on the lovenailtree website... And books (Seamus Heaney's theory books, Alan Shapiro, Gary Young)

AND DONE! <3

[Brother- Annuals]

Shalalala

And how the time flies!

I'm feeling a bit list-y/finally feel like writing a bit (as I relive my childhood by watching Mrs. Doubtfire).

It's been about a month since my last post, a week since I've graduated... and a whole slew of things have occurred.

Spring Quarter was crafted around two of my passions- writing poetry and learning about pastoral literature. Not only do I feel like I learned the most i have in all my quarters at UCI from the most brilliant professors, but I spent time with my best friends... Honestly, the most wonderful, beautiful people in the world. Our days were filled with reading books, poems, discussing life over coffee and amazing food, musical excursions, and nights of "cuddles" (aka hangout time). Everything around me just had this sort of... calm that I haven't experienced in some time. I realized I made the right decision in... so many things.

Even with going into the summer, I thought I needed to work myself to the bone again-- to save for grad school, get myself into a form of financial stability to pay loans off, afford the trip to Britain I want to make by the end of this year... But after talking to a few friends and family members, I realized that I don't need to do that. I'm only 22, and this needs to be a time of relaxing, of figuring out life slowly and not having to push myself into an extreme work-mode.

Relaxation has found its way slowly to me. I'm working on creating a "writing blog" for bits and bobs of the poetry I will write from now until grad school. I'm also immersing myself in Seamus Heaney's work, possibly some theory as well... Besides that, I've been doing the barista thing still and preparing my move from one apartment to the next to the final destination of grad school come August.

And, just because, here are a few lists!

The Books I've Been Reading
~ Matthew Dickman's All-American Poem
~ Ilya Kaminsky's Dancing in Odessa
~ Louise Gluck's A Village Life
~ Haruki Murakami's The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles

The Music I've Been Hearing (/a lot of these I will be getting soon... I hope I hope!)
~ Arctic Monkeys (new album is on repeat)
~ Fleet Foxes (ditto about new album)
~ James Blake (gahhhhhh <3)
~ Childish Gambino (yesyesyes)
~ Bon Iver (hopefully seeing in September!)
~ EMA (oh yes)
~ Deerhunter
~ The Antlers
~ The Horrors (need to look into all three of these bands!)

The Food I've Been Consuming (moreso, favorite spots!)
~ Chapter One (obsessed- $5 mimosas. enough said)
~ Shin Sen Gumi (ramen omnom!)
~ Thai Gulf (an endless feast!)
~ Taco Mesa (oms)
~ Lola Gaspar (nom)
~ Gypsy Den (went for my grad luncheon- deeelicious)

The Memories I'm Holding Dearest
~ Emphasis Dinner
~ The Drive Home from LA (fireworks, talks, Chinese Feast, video games, music)
~ Aldrich Park/Pub Days
~ "Family Dinners" with the apartment mates <3
~ The Mags excursions...
~ Seeing Listen!

Thanks for giving me so much to look back on, and so much to look forward to (such as a roast my friend is hosting, where I'll be a featured poet!). Here's looking to the memories that are to come <3

[The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala- Arctic Monkeys]

Know you can count on me

Girl, you are glowing!

There are many reasons to be, currently. It's shocking to think that in five weeks I'll be walking to a podium to get my B.A. then start my grad school education. I'll be leaving a place that I've called home to return to a city I once felt completely at home in.

Beyond these shocks, however, are beautiful things. My New York trip was absolutely lovely and necessary, filled with wonderful food and time with my sister. Work has been pleasant-- the days have gone by faster, to say the least. Red Hen is still as good as ever (granted, I've been having to ditch lately due to school/other things). Friends are lovely as always, the writing is happening, and the new Panda Bear album is absolutely lovely.

This "glow" is a wonderful thing. I haven't been this sure about something in a while. But you can tell when a heart is present and open for someone, when sentiment is felt mutually. And although I try to bundle myself in a bit of reality every once in a while... I'm so happy that this is here.

Because yeah, we're on the same brain-length. And I really like that.

[You Can Count on Me-Panda Bear]

Oh, the sound of life

Spring is in the air!

There is so much to love about spring. It's when everything starts growing back-- completely fresh, renewal at its finest. It's crazy to think that, in just a few short months, I'll be graduating with a BA in English and an emphasis in poetry, only to embark on another adventure to grad school (yes, I got into a school! I'm still waiting to hear from one other school, then it's decision time). I am also taking a workshop with Michael Ryan, who is one of my favorite poets, and am fortunate to have two of my best friends in my last English class.

Everything is falling into place. I just packed my suitcase for my trip to New York tomorrow! Lots of clothes to layer, lots of options (of course a few extra shirts never hurt anyone). I'm just so excited that this trip is actually happening, that I have finally paid back all of my dues and am able to visit my sister without feeling like I need to pinch pennies. Then I'll be returning home to visit close friends and cuddle on a couch with my family. I haven't been home in months because of how busy I've been, but I am so happy to give myself an entire week of relaxation.

The plan is simple: get back to enjoying everything all over again <3

[Raindrops- Grand Hallway]

The way that you say things that make them sound so right

Today, I went on a quest for answers.

The receipt shook in my hand like a leaf as I listened to a friend. We switched places, and I began to wonder. I let the cosmos unfurl through cards. Small confirmations were spilled onto a table, and I let them sink in.

She mentioned angels dropping little notes to me- my small inspirations. How there is support all around me. How it was true- we were meant to meet, and it was beautiful. How a girl walked away from an outreached hand. The sense of longing still present. The confirmation in school.

I needed a solid foundation-- one I already believed in. It materialized within the span of fifteen minutes and hours of driving.

Just remain clear, remain sharp. It will work out.

[Cross Oceans-First Aid Kit]

Dear heart, don't stop fighting

Believe me, I'm making lists of my dues, what I owe everyone.

It's hard to let people peek into even a bit of my life anymore... Which is oxymoronic of me to say. I'm practically an open book, willing to talk to most things that move. But since the day I realized things weren't the same, I felt myself shut down and off. I have thrown myself into work since the summer, the drives back and forth from home to home to keep my job and try to earn something. Fall quarter I called friends and family in tears-- I lacked sleep. I ate maybe once a day. Avoided food in order to keep a dollar in my pocket. Paid for an apartment on my own. Avoided said apartment because it was cold, too quiet, drafty with old memories. Still dealing with financial family issues (hopefully to be resolved soon). All while trying to keep relationships afloat, a social life, my grades up, applications turned in.

Let's just keep it at this: Last week, from Monday on, was not good. A lot of issues broke out like a fever. I broke from pressures to reply.

Just understand I'm trying my best. I know it may not be good enough for you, but I've stretched myself thin.

[Riot Rhythm- Sleigh Bells]